Honoring The Lessons of Poverty

"Poverty & Slums Bogota, Colombia" by C64-92 is licensed under CC BY 2.0

Awhile back, I was blessed enough to have the opportunity to visit my Mom’s village. During that visit, I was able to see my uncle, who still lives next door to my grandma’s house. It had been awhile, since I last visited, so it was great for my family to see where my mom came from and to be able to picture where I used to run around. It was wonderful to have an in-depth conversation with my tío (uncle).

My uncle has a unique perspective because he spent time working here. While we were talking, he said something fascinating,

“You get these guys that go over, then come back with trucks and all kinds of things. They act like they have money, but they return in debt up (endeudados) to their eyeballs.”

In my opinion, this is the opposite side of the immigrant experience that I admire. The behavior that I admire is the hard-working, grinding work ethic of individuals that take whatever work is necessary to provide for themselves, while being able to send money home to their family and offering no excuses. Coming over here to make a lot of money but pissing it away is not admirable.

This behavior isn’t just exclusive to immigrants. I can think of professional athletes. Instantly, the ESPN documentary, Broke comes to mind. Per the documentary’s website, some of the causes for going broke include freeloaders and showing off. Perhaps they may have never learned proper money management. However, I think that there is also the subconscious insecurity from feeling like they have to show off to compensate for their background and constantly trying to remind the world that may not truly care about their measure of fame that they have achieved. The paradox is that, once the money is gone, not only is the individual painfully reminded of the poverty that they tried to escape but the cold, unfeeling world that they tried to impress is there to observe their downfall.

Awhile back, I saw a really great YouTube video featuring the actor, Denzel Washington. I couldn’t find the video but I remember him saying how there are people that fall into the trap of buying “stuff” to impress people that they don’t really like. When I heard this, I thought to myself, “How sad it is to live a life, where you unknowingly buy ‘stuff’ to try to impress people!” The sad part is that there are a lot of people that live to impress others, while not adequately taking care of themselves but have yet to realize this.

When I think of people that have truly transcended poverty, a few qualities come to mind: focusing on covering important, necessary expenses; putting some money away (whether to send to family, for their own rainy day or to one day open a business); taking whatever job is necessary to provide an income; taking pride in whatever work that they do, and never losing sense of their why. For the people that keep these things in mind, then I feel that there is hope for them.

I remember all of the times that I visited my grandma’s ranchito. She never had a lot but always had something for us and others, though I know that my parents pitched in. The food might not have been fancy, but it was of that soul-nourishing variety that remains imprinted in my psyche. I am motivated not by shame of these origins but by pride in the qualities that these origins instilled in me. Considering that my means are more than anything that my abuelita (grandma) ever had, the best way that I can honor these lessons is to make something out of the cumulative sacrifices of my abuelita and others, who brought me to where I am.

DON’T FORGET. TAKE PRIDE IN AND HONOR YOUR ORIGINS.

Don't Judge Me

"GUILTY" by jasoneppink is licensed under CC BY 2.0

I forgot what exactly we were talking about, but the other day I was talking with someone, who said, during the conversation, “…don’t judge me.” When I heard this, it caught me off guard a bit and made me think.

This made me think of a YouTube video that I saw, which included a clip of a Denzel Washington interview. In it, he said something along the lines of falling into the trap of buying things to impress people that neither truly like you nor care for you: keeping up with the Joneses, who are trying to keep up with the other Joneses. A shocking thought for some, but something that I was already thinking about.

One of the issues in trying to live one’s living is the multitude of opinions on any given subject that everybody feels free to share with you. Do you have kids? How about whether to physically discipline them or not? Organic food or not? Cloth diapers vs. disposable? How will the little baby be fed? Are you in money trouble? Budget or no budget? Debt snowball method of paying debt vs. debt avalanche? Credit cards vs. cash/debit? I think that you get the idea.

While there is certain knowledge that are hard, universal facts, there is a lot of knowledge that is subjective and based on anecdotal personal experience. Cloth diapers might have worked for one parent, but there might be another one that might not be able to afford a diaper service or likes the perceived convenience of disposable diapers. For someone trying to fix their financial “house,” they might like how a budget gives them some personal accountability and makes it easier to prioritize necessary expenses over ones that could easily be reduced or eliminated. For another person, a budget might not help because they know that their problem isn’t expenses but insufficient income. What works for one person doesn’t necessarily work for another.

This point was reinforced, during a conversation that I had with a teammate at work. The topic was how much stock we take in others opinions. She flat out said, “I just don’t give a fuck.” Wow. Short, powerful and right to the point. I, also, couldn’t agree with her more.

In one of my earlier pieces, “What Do You Want?” I talked about being selective about whose advice that you follow. There are some people that are moving in the direction that you desire or are of the same school of thought as you are, so you are compatible. While it is always good to consider contrary opinions, there are a lot of times, when your gut, that deep visceral instinct lets you know when feels right for you. This is what you, typically, should do.

While I might write something that sounds good or makes sense, don’t follow it just because I said it. Shoot, for as many times that I might follow something that I heard online or was recommended by someone that I trust, there are just as many times that I didn’t. If you follow some advice, do so because it makes sense to you. Follow what is in keeping with your personal values and lets you sleep at night, even if you pay a price for it. In my opinion, a clean conscience is something always worth protecting. If you follow a piece of advice, do so because of where you are in life and based on what you’re trying to do now. If you follow something, do so because it’s based on rock solid fact, not cobbled together based on crowd opinion. Last and certainly not least, whether you follow something or not, don’t feel like you have to say, “Don’t judge me.” If you honestly, truthfully and deeply “did your homework” and “did the work,” then you don’t owe anyone any explanations or justifications. There are free to live their lives as they see fit AND so are you.