Don't Judge Me
"GUILTY" by jasoneppink is licensed under CC BY 2.0
I forgot what exactly we were talking about, but the other day I was talking with someone, who said, during the conversation, “…don’t judge me.” When I heard this, it caught me off guard a bit and made me think.
This made me think of a YouTube video that I saw, which included a clip of a Denzel Washington interview. In it, he said something along the lines of falling into the trap of buying things to impress people that neither truly like you nor care for you: keeping up with the Joneses, who are trying to keep up with the other Joneses. A shocking thought for some, but something that I was already thinking about.
One of the issues in trying to live one’s living is the multitude of opinions on any given subject that everybody feels free to share with you. Do you have kids? How about whether to physically discipline them or not? Organic food or not? Cloth diapers vs. disposable? How will the little baby be fed? Are you in money trouble? Budget or no budget? Debt snowball method of paying debt vs. debt avalanche? Credit cards vs. cash/debit? I think that you get the idea.
While there is certain knowledge that are hard, universal facts, there is a lot of knowledge that is subjective and based on anecdotal personal experience. Cloth diapers might have worked for one parent, but there might be another one that might not be able to afford a diaper service or likes the perceived convenience of disposable diapers. For someone trying to fix their financial “house,” they might like how a budget gives them some personal accountability and makes it easier to prioritize necessary expenses over ones that could easily be reduced or eliminated. For another person, a budget might not help because they know that their problem isn’t expenses but insufficient income. What works for one person doesn’t necessarily work for another.
This point was reinforced, during a conversation that I had with a teammate at work. The topic was how much stock we take in others opinions. She flat out said, “I just don’t give a fuck.” Wow. Short, powerful and right to the point. I, also, couldn’t agree with her more.
In one of my earlier pieces, “What Do You Want?” I talked about being selective about whose advice that you follow. There are some people that are moving in the direction that you desire or are of the same school of thought as you are, so you are compatible. While it is always good to consider contrary opinions, there are a lot of times, when your gut, that deep visceral instinct lets you know when feels right for you. This is what you, typically, should do.
While I might write something that sounds good or makes sense, don’t follow it just because I said it. Shoot, for as many times that I might follow something that I heard online or was recommended by someone that I trust, there are just as many times that I didn’t. If you follow some advice, do so because it makes sense to you. Follow what is in keeping with your personal values and lets you sleep at night, even if you pay a price for it. In my opinion, a clean conscience is something always worth protecting. If you follow a piece of advice, do so because of where you are in life and based on what you’re trying to do now. If you follow something, do so because it’s based on rock solid fact, not cobbled together based on crowd opinion. Last and certainly not least, whether you follow something or not, don’t feel like you have to say, “Don’t judge me.” If you honestly, truthfully and deeply “did your homework” and “did the work,” then you don’t owe anyone any explanations or justifications. There are free to live their lives as they see fit AND so are you.