Dad, You're Doing Great
My son loves to look at photos of himself, especially the older ones. One of them in particular was taken, when he was about two weeks old. If you look at it, he and I were “eyeballing” each other. I jokingly tell him about this picture,
“We both looked at each other to say, ‘I don’t know about this.‘“
Just the other day, I watched a YouTube video of Fr. Gregory Boyle, founder of Homeboy Industries. If you’re unfamiliar with Homebody Industries, it was started to help former gang members transition into lIfe after the gangs. In the video at about 2:27, he talks about a woman asking Mario, a program participant covered head to toe in tattoos, a question, during a Q&A session,
“Well, you say you’re a father and you have a son and daughter, who are about to enter their teenage years. What advice would you give them? What advice do you impart to them?”
After some hesitation, he responds,
“I just…I just don’t want my kids to turn out like me.”
The woman, then responds,
“Why wouldn’t you want your kids to turn out to be like you? You are LOVING. You are KIND. You are GENTLE. I hope that your kids turn out to be like YOU.“
While I’m not a heavily tattooed former gang member, I, also, want the best for my son. Looking back with the perspective of time, I am fortunate not to have many significant regrets. However, I try to teach my son to be a good man and a good human being. I aim to instill my best qualities, discourage my bad ones and nurture the ones that are unique to him. My wish for him is to do and be his best, so that he can leave this world even better than he found it.
Another YouTube video (“Alcohol and Me: A Love Story”) that I recently saw was on the London Real channel. Towards the end, Brian Rose, the host, talks about the Oliver Stone movie, Wall Street, where Charlie Sheen’s character, Bud Fox, talks to his dad, played by his real life dad, Martin Sheen. Bud tells his dad how he wants him to be proud. His dad answers,
“It’s you that you need to be proud of.“
Those of us dads that care about the time and effort that we put in with our kids don’t always know how we’re doing. We work hard to help contribute to the necessities that our families need. We put time in with them. We care. Sometimes, we don't give ourselves enough credit.
Last week, when I was dropping my son off at school, I spoke with one of the dads and we talked about our kids. At some point, he said,
“Your son is such a great kid.”
I can’t tell you how this made me feel and how it made my day. I can see that yes, I am a good father and I have a good son. Maybe, now I can take that old photo of my son and I and look at it differently.