Photo by Brett Jordan from Pexels — Photo by **Brett Jordan** from **Pexels**

These days, it’s hard not to go onto social media, particularly Facebook, without reading negative comments on almost any imaginable topic. Regardless on where you may stand, you may have been on either end of one of these comments. If you haven’t yet witnessed nor been part of such an exchange, then you consider yourself fortunate.

I happened to have read the post from someone that I strongly respect. In their post, there was their meditation on some of the challenges that we may face. At the end, they asked us all to give each other grace and compassion. It made me pause to reread it. As it’s something that I have written about, I couldn’t have more strongly agreed.

What Are Grace and Compassion?
So that we can set some reference points, let’s establish working definitions for grace and compassion respectively.

Merriam-Webster defines grace as,

“disposition to or an act or instance of kindness, courtesy, or clemency (to be merciful and especially to moderate the severity of punishment).”

In turn, compassion is,

“sympathetic (given to, marked by…compassion, friendliness, and sensitivity to others' emotions) consciousness of others' distress together with a desire to alleviate it”.

I was able to sift out a few words that stood out: kindness, courtesy, merciful, compassion and sensitivity. With these words, I get the vibe of treating others well and make things better for them. Could we agree that these are generally “good” things?

Could You Do More?
So I thought about the Facebook quote that initially inspired me and these definitions for compassion and grace. In my life, whether on social media or in-person, have I fallen short in providing these to others? I HAVE. However, since I can do better and because I feel that these are good things to make the world better, I work to better deliver them and I feel that you should, too.

In “(It's Okay To Say) I'm Not Okay” (Medium), I wrote,

“When I think of some angry people, I think that they feel no choice but to constantly be the lion. They work too hard to get what they have and even harder to hold onto it. For many people post-pandemic, this fragility is now clear and undeniable. Once that it becomes evident, then they are faced with overwhelming fear. For some, fear brings on desperation, which results in (evident in hindsight) very regrettable actions.“

As I read more and started to more closely observe the world around me, I couldn’t help but see this across multiple contexts. When I witness a social media exchange or an in-person conversation, I can ask, “What is their fear? Why? What are they trying to hold onto?

I have to mention that, sometimes, when people respond, they might not know to what they’re responding. In “I’m Sorry. What Was The Question?” (Medium), I wrote about the importance of using clarifying questions.

“…we were taught the value of using clarifying questions. This could be as simple as rephrasing the conversation: ‘It sounds like you called in today to discuss X. Do I understand you?’ Seems clear, right?
This was such a simple, basic, yet extremely effective skill to carry with me…. To this day…I don’t hesitate to ask the clarifying questions that I need to ask...”

How many times have you seen a social media exchange, especially in Facebook: someone comments, but then, they try to retract some of their comments, after getting newer information? It’s, often, easy to follow the conversation’s downward trajectory because not everyone knows how to edit their comments plus it’s very fast how others will quickly escalate. If the original commenter made mistakes and others pounce before they have had a chance to learn or do better, where is their grace and compassion?

A Better Way For All?
There are a lot of opinions out there within a deep sea of accompanying mistakes. Also, we can forget how we can respond very quickly (a little too quickly). Unfortunately, people don’t always have most or all of the objectively correct facts. This happens. Also, it is easy to get confused. Additionally, Facebook comments, by default, are usually set to “most relevant” rather than “all comments” (which chronologically arranges comments). So, commenters don’t know that they’re replying out of time to earlier comments. These are just a few of the infinite ways that people get it wrong. When they do get it wrong, how about we give them a chance to understand and make it right?

From my experience, I know that it can be hard to take the high road and to give others the grace and compassion that we may not get. However, if we don’t take that path, then who will? Also, what’s to say that, when you encounter that person again (social media or in real life), they will remember when you did give them grace and compassion and pay it forward?

The change that can be possible isn’t always “big” nor obvious. It can start with the smallest steps that have the biggest impact: giving others the benefit of the doubt; asking clarifying questions, prior to responding; and, understanding where people are coming from prior to responding. Anybody can get it wrong. Let’s start to make it right, so that others can get it right.

TAKE THOSE SMALL STEPS TO MAKE THE BIGGEST DIFFERENCE TO MAKE THINGS BETTER FOR EVERYONE.

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