What To Do When Somebody Hurts (Sometimes)
A Song For Our Times
It’s a bit strange, when you’ve listened a song for the longest, but a moment arrives when it seems perfectly suited to the circumstances. With what’s going on, R.E.M’s “Everybody Hurts” (Amazon Affiliate link) comes to mind,
“Sometimes everything is wrong
Now it's time to sing along
When your day is night alone (Hold on, hold on)
If you feel like letting go (Hold on)
If you think you've had too much
Of this life, well hang on
'Cause everybody hurts
Take comfort in your friends
Everybody hurts
Don't throw your hand, oh no”
Initially, in my piece, “So How Are You” and in my recent “Why We Are Reaching Out In Different Ways,” I wrote about intently reaching out to others and the reasons for doing so. With the coronavirus (COVID-19) pandemic, we are facing circumstances that few have ever faced. For now, schools are closed and my wife and I have been working from home for around two weeks. When I filled up my car about a week ago, it was surreal seeing hardly any cars on the road. Schedule permitting, I have gone out for a daily walk. When I see people come my way, I go another way and they do the same. Restaurants are closed, except for carryout or delivery. Businesses except for those deemed essential are closed, as well. As the result of these business closures, I know people, whose very livelihoods have been directly affected. Amid all of this, each of us are trying to find our respective way through this. Now, more than ever, the need to reach out is even more urgent.
Five Stages of Loss
Today, I listened to a virtual sermon from my bishop and she discussed Elizabeth Kübler-Ross’ Five Stages of Loss (Grief) (Amazon Affiliate link) and how many of us are going through the process of loss. In my opinion, I can’t imagine too many that haven’t been traumatized by the pandemic’s primary or secondary effects. Perhaps your schools have been closed and you’re now caring for your child and helping them with their education. Either you’re in a state that is asking for social distancing, lockdown or might be close. If you still have a job, then you might be working from home and are adjusting to new stressors. If your employer is shut down because you’re not deemed essential or can’t work from home, you might be concerned about whether your employer might still be around, once that everything reopens. If you or a family member that is considered essential, then you’re probably concerned about the risk of coronavirus being brought into your house. At this point, you may have even have lost someone to coronavirus or know somebody that has. For most of us, we’re not as carefree, as we once were.
So with many of us having more time, how is it that we are processing this? Have we allowed ourselves to feel or are we trying to hold onto the illusion that nothing has changed or that it’s “not that bad”? These are some of the basic questions that we should ask ourselves.
It’s Ok To Feel (Something)
With everything going on, I admit that I feel scared, anxious and unsure for the future. These are all normal feelings to have. With me working from home and my son being home from school, we have had a lot more time to chat with each other. I’m still in awe at how sharp he is and the things that he says, especially his observations about the pandemic. Many of the chats that we have had really capture the internal dialogues that I would otherwise have with myself. When I respond to him, it’s not just to reassure him but to reassure myself.
Earlier, I referred to the R.E.M song “Everybody Hurts,” but now I think about “I’ll Stand By You” (Amazon Affiliate link) by The Pretenders that expresses my philosophy on expressing feelings,
“So if you're mad, get mad
Don't hold it all inside
Come on and talk to me now
Hey, what you got to hide?
I get angry too
Well I'm a lot like you
When you're standing at the crossroads
And don't know which path to choose
Let me come along…”
As I have progressed through the coronavirus pandemic, I have turned to listening to music that resonates with me. If there were words that I would share with people to tell them that it’s okay to feel, it would be these song lyrics. If this is an unfamiliar song, then I hope that you not only come to like it but, also, that it can offer some consolation.
Let’s Work Together
In closing, the last thing that I would like to share is a recent video that actor, Matthew McConaughey, shared. In it, there is so much that I feel that we need to hear. Particularly, I liked it, when he said,
“There is a green light on the other side of the red light that we’re in right now.
I believe that the green light is built upon the values that we can enact now: fairness, kindness, accountability, resilience, respect, courage.
If we practice those things right now, we get out of this: this virus, this time brings us together and unifies us like we have not been in a long time.“
Amen, brother. I pray-I sincerely mean this-that this is true. The common enemy that we have is this virus, its respective effects on us and the uncertainty that it has left us. Since we all have our struggles in this, we are truly not alone. So no matter how you have been affected, there are others that have been similarly affected. If you have a moment, reach out to somebody to not only help yourself, but to help them as well.
IF YOU NEED TO LET IT OUT, LET IT OUT.
Be sure to follow me at The Jose Rodriguez (Facebook), The Jose Rodriguez (Twitter) or The Jose Rodriguez (Instagram).