Starting A New Normal: Yesterday Is Gone
Normal Is Relative
In various contexts, I have heard people ask when we’ll “return to normal.” It made me stop to think of whether there really is such a thing.
I have to come out and say that I never believed that there is such a thing as normal, especially following the pandemic. I feel that normal is a relative comparison between what you’ve become used to and what has changed. I feel that it’s important to remember that what we’ve “become used to” belongs to the past and nothing can bring it back. Drawing on what the Stoics wrote, the only thing that we control is our reaction to whatever comes.
Make Due With What You Can Use
As I looked at what some the Stoic masters said that could speak to our circumstances, I found a great quote from Meditations, where Marcus Aurelius wrote,
“Think of the life you have lived until now as over and, as a dead man, see what’s left as a bonus and live it according to Nature. Love the hand that fate deals you and play it as your own, for what could be more fitting?” Meditations, 7.56–57
The way that I referred to normal as a relic is reinforced by Marcus Aurelius. If you’re unfamiliar with Meditations, it was a journal written over about 10 years, where he worked out his preoccupations using the tools that he acquired through his Stoic education. In his time, he dealt with The Antonine Plague, so I feel that he could relate to some of the coronavirus’ effects.
“No person has the power to have everything they want, but it is in their power not to want what they don’t have, and to cheerfully put to good use what they do have.” – Seneca Moral Letters, 123.3 (Amazon Affiliate link)
With having lost certain perceived “liberties,” why not look at what we can still do? It's fascinating to remember, prior to the pandemic, hearing others talk about their planned upcoming purchases. I wonder how many of those purchases still serve a purpose or are of any help. If we're unable to get something that we want but don't necessarily need, what use is there in complaining? The item isn't available any faster nor does it get to you any sooner. Circling back to that purchase, how would it make your life easier now?
For us, prior to things getting serious, we were getting rid of “stuff” that we no longer needed. As in my post “What Music Means To Me“, I was able to share some of old CDs that meant a lot to me with an aspiring kid drummer.
What Can I Actually Control?
I think that, as our illusion of control has been shattered and many have been humbled, we wonder about what we can do now. We ask, “What do I have control over?” For many, they are stuck trying to figure this out.
A significant part of my belief system is informed by the following passage, which is, also, echoes what is in “The Serenity Prayer.”
“The chief task in life is simply this: to identify and separate matters so that I can say clearly to myself which are externals not under my control, and which have to do with the choices I actually control. Where then do I look for good and evil? Not to uncontrollable externals, but within myself to the choices that are my own…” – Epictetus Discourses, 2.5.4–5 (Amazon Affiliate link)
For many, the thought of being unable to work because they can’t go in isn’t something that would have registered to most people. Or how about being unable to work because someone else isn’t either (ex. depending on a supplier for parts to assemble into a finished product)? Talking about household groceries, what about finding that you’re out of something (which you never really tracked) and the grocery store is, too? At these points in these scenarios, you’re not working and have trouble buying your groceries. What can you do?
What we can do is make choices. Set your bedtime and wake-up time. If you're working from home, what is your first task? If your young child is home from school, what is their first activity? If you're trying to reconnect with people, who is the first person that you'll contact today? Pick one small, achievable thing and stack it on top of another. There are things that you can do, so do them.
Climbing Out One Inch At A Time
In Any Given Sunday, (Amazon Affiliate link), Al Pacino gave his football players a pep talk that seems appropriate to us,
“I don't know what to say really…
We are in hell right now, gentlemen
Believe me and we can stay here
And get the shit kicked out of us
Or we can fight our way
Back into the light.
We can climb out of hell.
One inch, at a time.”
These are scary times and we’re ALL feeling fear and anxiety. I’m in it it with you. Now, “I don’t know what to say really…” However, I can say that we’re made of better stuff than to quit, especially now, when we can least afford it. So if we’re ruling out quitting, where is it that you will start making small, actionable decisions to pivot, adapt and craft your new, ever evolving normal?
WHAT IS YOUR ONE INCH?
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