Photo by TOPHEE MARQUEZ from Pexels — Photo by **TOPHEE MARQUEZ** from **Pexels**

It’s Not Just You

Not too long ago, I was on a Zoom call with some neighbors. At a point, one of us asked, “So how is it?” From there, we started venting. In particular, we talked about the struggle with balancing work and caring for/helping our kids with their education. For those with older kids, the struggle seemed to be in getting them to do as much of their assigned homework as possible. At the very least, it was about keeping their kids entertained, during meetings or important work calls. Between working and trying sometimes in vain to get homework completed, perceived shortcomings with either work or getting this homework done can cause considerable frustration.

It is strange to think about how much things have changed since I wrote “Dad, You’re Doing Great,” back in early January 2020. In the subsequent months, many of us have been drafted into being substitute teachers to our kids. In some of these subjects, we may be rusty, were never truly capable or struggle with explaining those concepts. Take these struggles, combine them with the difficulties of getting professional work done and it becomes easy for parents to think that they’re “failing.” The additional struggle doesn’t make it easier to get through these demanding times.

A few nights ago, I had a Zoom call with some ex-teammates from work. The majority of us have kids and the same question was brought up: how are we balancing work and our kids? A lot of the same concerns came up. Some are still in the call center. When they asked how I’m doing, I replied by saying that I don’t know how I could work the phones now and help take care of my son.

Remove The Smoke and Mirrors

Returning back to the Zoom call with my ex-teammates, one told us the story about someone with whom they used to be friends. Summary: they were one of those people on social media that pretended that “everything is fine.” Whenever they were dealing with issues, they always pretended that there was nothing. I don’t remember the exact details, but these were some of the details, but this pretending was one of the factors that contributed to their friendship falling apart.

In that same Zoom call, one of my friends said that what she liked about my writing is how I depict my fallibility. I explained my reasons. First, sometimes, I am sharing some resources that I’ve encountered: the information that I’m sharing isn’t my own, but it’s something useful that that could benefit others. I try to make crystal clear where my present expertise and capabilities lie.

Second, when people study well-known people that have achieved “success,” all too often the emphasis is on “what they did” and not enough on their mistakes. Using Steven Jobs, as an example, much of his professional legacy came after he returned to Apple. Summary: in 1985, Jobs was forced out of Apple by then CEO John Sculley. In 1986, he invested into a little company….Pixar. From there, he established a new computer company, NeXT, which was bought by Apple in 1997 and shortly thereafter returned to Apple. From there, the iPod and iTunes debuted in 2001, iPhone in 2007 and the iPad in 2010. It is probable that his exile from Apple was instrumental to prepare him for his later success. In truth, I am more fascinated by how these people have overcome than in any specific steps for achieving success because that tenacity, more than anything else, shows how their brain works.

I feel that by discussing our “shortcomings,” during these calls, we found out that we weren't alone and that we have done more for our kids than we thought. How incredible!

Cut The Crap

The common thread between my two calls is that we were able to cut the crap. For various reasons, we fell for certain deceptions that we felt were true only to find out that they had no basis in truth. These deceptions turned out to exist only in our heads. When we realize this, it’s VERY liberating. I felt that this was the case in realizing that what we were able to do for our kids is very okay. If we realize that we are comparing ourselves to professional, trained teachers, which we are not, of course we’ll fall short.

With all that we have to address, we don’t need to fight our self-imposed deceptions. Hopefully, as with many of my past posts, you will come to question what you think is true versus what actually is true. When it comes to caring for your kids WHILE working and you can honestly say that you did YOUR best, then congratulations you are a GREAT parent. From the beginning of your journey into parenthood (however you came to it) to now, there will be somebody with an (sometimes unwelcome) opinion. You don’t need to add to this. Remember that we’re not teachers, so nobody would honestly “blame” you for falling short of something of being what you’re not.

**TAKE PRIDE IN WHAT YOU CAN DO FOR YOUR KIDS.**

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