A few days ago, I was watching an episode of Hawaii Five-0 called “I ho'olulu, ho'ohulei 'ia e ka makani (There was a lull, and then the wind began to blow about).“ The episode opened with McGarrett’s dog, Eddie, wandering into traffic, but was saved by McGarrett. To provide some context, he inherited Eddie after his DEA handler was killed in action. Prior to this, Eddie served a tour in Afghanistan with the Marines and that handler was, also, killed. Prognosis: Eddie had canine PTSD caused by his Marine handler’s death and triggered by something in his environment.

Both McGarrett and I were surprised to hear about this. I watched episodes, where Eddie worked alongside McGarrett under similar circumstances that he faced in Afghanistan. When McGarrett went to a vet specializing in dogs facing circumstances similar to Eddie’s, he said that, as with people, dogs could have PTSD that might not manifest for some time and inexplicably appears. I have to admit that, when I saw Eddie being treated, my eyes teared up because I have a dog and couldn’t imagine her experiencing such profound pain that. Fortunately, McGarrett was able to find Eddie’s trigger and start him on his journey towards recovery.

While the episode partially focused on Eddie, a dog, it made me think about the invisible scars that we carry. Sometimes, the circumstances are so profoundly painful that they’re rarely discussed. Other times, the person affected never “talks about it” and pretends that NOTHING happened. As I understand, the psyche strives to protect the individual by keeping them away from the trauma. However, at times, neither we nor our psyche has a choice but for our trauma to manifest at the worst times in situations not unlike Eddie’s.

As I’ve grown older and more life-experienced, maybe I’ve become more aware of the people around me and what they have going on. Things have happened to people around me that has indirectly taught me about trauma. I have learned the different ways that trauma affects people. I have learned that, when trauma manifests, that we should be especially patient and understanding. We give the people affected the room to work it out and hope that they can get to a better place.

I feel that, most importantly, one of the WORST things to say is “everything happens for a reason.” This point is so important that it needs its own paragraph. If you take the time to digest what I’m saying, you’re indirectly suggesting, “This isn’t a bad thing that happened to you,” which isn’t the same as saying that it was a good thing. Depending on the trauma, such a statement is truly horrible. Something that I learned, when I worked in a call center, is that we unintentionally say awkward things, we don’t know what to say. We lost sight that the situation isn’t about us, but entirely about the other person. In such a situation, we acknowledge the situation but not so much that they relive the trauma, so that we can help them accomplish their objective(s).

So whether it’s the people around us or our canine friends, you never know what scars they are hiding or have forgotten about. When those scars reappear, they might manifest in unexpected ways and times. When this can and will happen, it’s okay to feel uncomfortable and be unsure what to say. While we can’t take the pain away or turn back time, the only real thing that we can offer them is to listen. We can comfort the both of us feel better by saying, “I don’t know what you’re going through and I don’t know what to say. Nonetheless, I am here to to listen and give you the time that you need.“ Perhaps with that brief moment, it could help them initiate their recover recovery. That moment of listening could make all of the difference.

DON’T TALK….JUST LISTEN.