Fathers and Sons

Every weekday morning, I take my son to school. I have precisely planned, when to leave, so that it gives us opportunity to take our time to get there, but without arriving late. It is a blessing to have the chance for great father-and-son chats.

There are a few recurring themes, among them problem solving, good choices and how to treat people. Even before I became a dad, I was aware of how many children’s biggest fear is getting in trouble. As a result, I tell him all the time how I will always love him and just want him to try his best.

A Father’s Hopes

As a part of teaching him about problem solving and making good choices, I talk to him about how his day has gone and what he has done. I ask him whether something was a good choice, why/why not. If something wasn't, then I help him figure out what he could have done better. The important thing that I stress is improvement rather than perfection (which is impossible). One of my biggest goals for him is to be a top-notch problem solver. I tell him how I see a lot of “grown-ups” that can't solve their way out of a paper bag. A running joke is when I refer to him as “Nico Stark,” after Tony Stark (we’re both huge Marvel fans). Tony Stark is one of the best problem solvers that I can think of in all of the MCU.

What Is The Why?

One of the things that I am very clear about with my son is how I’m not perfect nor do I pretend to be. I am very open about about my shortcomings and explain to him how I have learned from my mistakes. I remind him a saying that his daycare taught him, “Mistakes are a way to grow and learn.”

Some parents, perhaps out of insecurity, act like they do no wrong. To compensate, they project the impossible mission of being perfect onto their kids. This is an excessive weight that they shouldn’t bear. Children can be no more perfect than their parents.

When I talk to my son during these chats, where I pass him on life lessons, my deepest hope is for him to be his best (not perfect). To this point, one of our primary questions is “Did you try your best?” I return to the saying from his daycare. I would say not that mistakes are a way to grow and learn, but that they’re the best way to grow and learn. If he keeps this deep in his heart, then I’m sure that he’ll do more than alright.

MISTAKES ARE A WAY TO GROW AND LEARN.

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