Many of us interested in self-improvement have heard the Jim Rohn (Amazon Affiliate link) quote, “You are the average of the five people that you spend the most time with.” While I may not agree 100%, I do agree that the people around us exercise more influence than we know.

Lately, I’ve really been into Ed Mylett’s YouTube videos and have followed him on social media (Instagram/IG). In particular, I watched “From No Running Water To Living Waterfront.“ He discussed coming to a moment, where he had no running water in his apartment and started to look around to see what happened. Ed realized that, while he had people that accepted him, they didn’t challenge him to be more and do more. Ed discussed self-improvement seminars and how attendees, after returning, can slip back into old habits. The connection between his rock bottom and the people around him was his environment and how they do/don’t cultivate it. Ed listed some very actionable things that we can do to improve our environment. Lastly, he defined his heaven or hell: the ability/inability to be the person that he is called to be.

I don’t feel that he suggests necessarily getting rid of the people that “support” but don’t challenge us. For example, if you launching a business, but no one around you has ever started nor run one and views a paycheck as “security,” then I don’t think that they’re the best people with whom you could discuss practical business considerations. In this case, it makes sense to seek “outside” people that can competently assess your situation and help to move forward.

It’s challenging, when you have bold goals and you’re trying to determine the roles of those closest to you and that of new, outside advisers. Both play specific roles. Just because loved ones might not understand what you’re trying to do, it doesn’t mean that they can’t offer emotional support. As long as they believe in you, their support wouldn’t hold you back. However, when your improvement brings out others’ jealousy, then it might make sense to limit contact or cut people loose. While this might be sad and hard to do, life is too short not to live up to your potential.

Some takeaways from Ed Mylett’s video:

1. Your behavior follows the expectations of your peer group.

2. The people closest to you carry tremendous influence (or lack of support).

3. Are those closest to you past-oriented or future oriented? Hang out with the same people and you will have the same memories.

4. The people around us help to determine our standards.

5. Do those closest to you give energy or drain it?

6. When dealing with non-supportive people: be kind. be cordial. be concise.

7. You can become someone’s friend/close acquaintance or acquire a mentor, by offering them value (ex. support, kindness, objectivity, prayers, etc.). Done well, this will induce them to return the favor (helping you in return).

8. Most importantly, how do YOU show up in others’ lives?

As you progress through the world and try to elevate yourself, remember that you are capable of more. Remember that the people around you should assist with your self-improvement and, if not, then it might be necessary to re-evaluate your relationship with them. Lastly and most importantly, in order for others to help you, be willing to help them first.

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