Although my son is at a very young age, I'm working to teach him what I feel that a man should know including treating people with kindness and how to appropriately handle his behavior. Right now, some of the things that he’s working on is developing patience and understanding what not yet means.

One of the things that I’m working with the little guy on is dealing with setbacks. Just the other day, I used a lesson from the Jocko Podcast YouTube clip, “Good.” In it, Jocko says,

“So I explained to him that when things are going bad, there’s going to be some good that will come from it.”

This is a lesson that seems simple but hard to apply when going through something difficult. When I was laid off from my call center job, it didn’t feel great. In fact, it felt horrible. However, with time, I can see that it prepared me for a later job, where I came in with a relative ease on the phones along with a familiarity with call reviews. While it took considerable work to be very good, I had a strong foundation. Lastly, I was able to spend the time between jobs taking care of my son. These things wouldn’t have been possible without losing my job.

The other lesson that I work with him on is understanding the idea of “not yet.” Often, we use this response to him when he asks to eat a piece of candy or watch something on TV.

Here is a sample conversation:

“Mom/Dad, could I have a piece of candy?”
“Not until, you eat some real food/your dinner.”

Too often, he mistakes “not yet” or a subtle not yet statement for no. I have already explained to him that my no means no. However, there are times when something can’t yet happen because something needs to happen first or he hasn’t given me a reason to say yes. Maybe his behavior wasn’t so good and it needs to improve to get what he wants. by getting him to tune into statements of what needs to happen to change my not yet into a yes, he will learn how to earn what he wants. While I’m sure that this lesson will take time, I want to set him up to be good at negotiations, sales or other areas where this knowledge would be important.

I hope that you can find value in these anecdotes about good and not yet. For me, I remember that these realizations were gamechangers. They provide excellent lessons on perspective for my life, my son’s life and I’m sure in yours, as well.

When life sends you a setback, work to find some good in it. When life tells you “Not yet,” find the answer to “If not now, then when?” Having these skills in your toolbox will help you with addressing challenges and pivoting to formulate a plan for achieving your goal(s).

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