Dealing With What We’ve Lost

A few days ago, I went out for a drive. I was concerned because I hadn’t driven my car in about a week and I wanted to make sure to run it. It was strange because I could feel slight tightness in my chest. I didn’t have any other symptoms, so I know that it wasn’t COVID/coronavirus. I’m pretty sure that it was a touch of my anxiety. I suppose that I had no idea that there was enough going on in the background for this to happen.

I was able to find a Psychology Today article discussing the Five Stages of Grief that gained recognition through Elizabeth Kübler-Ross’ revolutionary book, On Death & Dying (Amazon Affiliate link). For those of you that are unfamiliar with them, the stages are as follow:

1. Denial

2. Anger

3. Bargaining

4. Depression

5. Acceptance

What Can We Do Now?

Honestly, I’m not sure what stage that I’m in. Perhaps this is the point for us. We’re so busy trying to move forward that we haven’t really had much chance to process what is going on. Using myself, as an example: I am (fortunate to be) working from home. During my workday, I am doing my job, while helping out with our son. I am making sure that my work gets done, while making sure that our son does what we want him to do for school. I’m loosely monitoring the news for pandemic developments, specifically in the Metro-Detroit area, but, also, the rest of the US and in the world. I reach out to my loved ones to see how they’re doing. Whenever I’m having a down moment, I pick myself up and do the same for my wife and my son. When my son expresses unexpected insights, I try to reassure him. At the same time, I’m using some of my free time to still work on myself. This is just me. I can’t even imagine the additional challenges for people that have lost their jobs or those that are on the front lines including law enforcement, medical personnel, grocery store employees, restaurant employees or delivery people that assume additional risks to take care of us.

It’s Getting Real

Over the last few days, I’ve been hearing neighbors talk about how sad and sobering it is to hear ambulance sirens. Prior to the pandemic, we may not have paid them much mind. However, now, we understand that it’s likely that there’s someone going to the hospital that may be struggling with COVID-19/coronavirus. Thinking about this was a wake up call.

Between my wife and I, the numbers of people that we know affected by the pandemic has steadily increased. When I lost my high school English teacher, THIS is when the pandemic became real for me. When I hear about someone that has been directly impacted, my heart breaks for them. The best and the least that I can do is sending out my prayers and putting out my most sincere thoughts into the universe for their recovery.

It’s Ok (To Feel)

My apologies for getting really heavy with this post. However, I feel that I had to touch on these points before we arrived to here. My guess is that most of us are stuck somewhere between steps 1-4. Ideally, we want to get to step 5. While hard, it can be possible. The sticking point is the journey to get there.

Starting with “Hello World,” I have written about my belief in self-optimization, self-examination, objectivity and logic. A HUGE part of all of this is honestly connecting with our feelings. I believe that, prior to the pandemic, some may have had the luxury of infinite distractions, so they may not engaged well in their self-care to reduce unnecessary stress. However, now, self-care even more important and even critical. So I would say that if you feel that you need a little cry or getting away for some “alone time” (Psychology Today article), then go ahead and do it. Whether you’re taking care of yourself or of loved ones, do what you need to do to keep yourself going.

IT IS OKAY TO BE WITH YOUR FEELINGS. KEEP GOING. REMAIN STANDING.

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